Six months after our Nathan’s death, we were visiting Old Town in Sacramento. My daughter and I stood in a toy store where I picked up a cuddly brown Teddy bear. It felt so good to wrap my arms around that bear; however, I was forty-five and way too old for a Teddy Bear; at least I thought I was. I put the bear down and walked out of the store, but I didn’t forget the bear. The next weekend I was in that toy store once again. But this time, I bought the bear. I had decided no matter how old I was, I wanted that bear! As I rode back to Redlands from Sacramento, I hugged my bear all the way home. It seemed the more I squeezed the bear, the more the tears fell easily down my cheeks. I named my bear Buster the Brown Bear. Over the next few months I nearly hugged the stuffings out of Buster.
When the Oklahoma City bombing occurred, I sent a box of my books to the Red Cross with my address and phone number attached. One day I received a phone call from a Red Cross volunteer named Scotty. She reminded me that Macy’s had sent a shipment of Teddy bears to Oklahoma City. A worker brought Scotty a bear that she placed on a cot in her tent. A Fire Chief came into the tent looking totally exhausted and forlorn. Scotty handed him the bear and said, “You look like you need something to hug.” The Fire Chief hugged the bear and sobbed. He sobbed in response to the horror he had seen all day. Scotty said a fireman came in to rest on a cot provided in the tent. The man was so restless, he could not settle down. Scotty handed him the bear. The fireman held the bear and softly cried himself to sleep.
Many of you will remember when I handed out my collection of bears at a TCF meeting. As I give my bears, especially to men, they often hold the bears at arm’s length for a while. As I speak, their grasp on the bears becomes tighter. By the end of the meeting, even the men have become attached to MY bears.
So why do bears help those who are grieving? No matter the circumstance, we all have empty arms. We want to hug someone who isn’t with us any more. We all can use a bear to help us grieve.
Here are some hints: Make sure the bear is huggable and fits in your arms. Flower shops and toy stores usually provide the best bears for our purpose. You might go to Build-A-Bear and create a teddy bear in your child's honor.
