Max Lucado writes, “Anger. It’s easy to define: the noise of the soul. Anger. The unseen irritant of the heart. Anger. The relentless invader of silence...”
Have you ever been surprised by the anger that can well up in you and explode when you least expect it? Where does it come from? What can we do about it?
Circumstances can arouse our anger. When a drunk driver killed my son, I experienced more than anger. I experienced absolute rage...at a man who would drink and drive; at a justice system that never sentenced him to prison; at well-meaning, but ill-advised friends who told me I need to “get over it!” But that anger was different. It was explainable. But what about anger that just seems to pop up at the strangest and totally unexplainable times?
Three years after our son was killed at the hands of a drunk driver, we moved from the house where Nathan had grown up to a wonderful old house in Redlands.
We loved the house, and I was so glad to be in the house of our dreams, but one morning I was rushing to get ready for the day. I was looking for an item, (I don't even remember what it was now,) and I couldn't find it. Suddenly I was overwhelmed with emotion, anger and tears. Why? It was such a silly thing. Finally I realized all of the pent up emotion from moving, leaving Nate's childhood home, had caught up with me.
When you have such an outburst, and you will if you haven't already, stop for a moment and name it for what it is. I am so mad because we're in this new house and Nate isn't here. It's a good thing the drunk driver isn't here...I would attack him with my bare hands. Aha! I just had a Nathan moment! Find something you can throw safely. Find a place where it is safe to scream. (My favorite place is the bathroom.) The garage could work, too. Write out your feelings, and then tear them up or burn them. Type out your feelings on the computer and then it would probably be wise to click the Delete button. Yell your feelings into a tape recorder and then erase the tape.
Understand that anger is expected, and anger is OK as long as you control it and direct it. Give yourself those Nathan or Mark or Kelly or Amy moments in a safe place.
Watch for the signs: impatience, more than normal tears, birthdays, death days coming up. Give yourself room to grieve.
